I'm not usually a fan of traditional "jokes,"

...but this one made me laugh out loud.

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Having no luck, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Quick Update

I just , umm, how can I put this. I just sat on myself and I want to cry.

This post contains material not intended for children, reader discretion is advised.

So I had a pretty fun weekend. I had to get away from my mom for a bit, so Saturday morning I headed over to Orlando to hang with James and the gang. For most of the afternoon James, Sean, and I just hung out and played some video games. That evening, Tim and Tiffany came over and we played some poker, and watched Cloverfield. I ate horribly on Saturday, and regret almost everything I ate. For lunch Sean ordered pizza. Then I had a bag of Funyuns. Then when Tim and Tiff came over we went and got ice cream. Then before the movie we hit Taco Bell. I haven't eaten that badly in a long time. I felt crappy this morning.

Today Sean, Brian, James, and I went to play some tennis. Maybe not the best idea on an empty stomach, but I was up to the challenge. It was actually really fun. I have never actually played tennis for real before, and I think I was doing okay. then disaster struck.

It was my serve, so Brian and James were hitting the balls to me so that I could put some in my pocket. Brian hit one pretty hard and it hit me square in the generals. The fellas. The family jewels. My nards. Get the picture? Oh. My. Gosh. I have never, ever been hit that hard there. I collapsed to the ground, and kind of blacked out. I don't really remember exactly what I did, but I made it over to a bench somehow. I kid you not, it hurt so bad I almost pooped my pants. It took probably 5-10 minutes before I could even talk. Needless to say, that was it for me for tennis for the day. Honestly, I am still in some pain. I'm a little concerned.

BEWARE, HERE LIES GRAPHICNESS THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU UNEASY.

I don't have any swelling at this point, but the "area" is still sensitive. I checked WebMD, and if the pain is still acute tomorrow, I will probably go to the doctor. This should tell you how much it hurts. I hate doctors.

To apologize, Brian actually bought me lunch though, so the day wasn't all bad. :) That's pretty much it. Back to job searching tomorrow. Hope everyone is well.

Laterz!

No job yet

Well, I had an interview yesterday that went okay I guess. It was a group interview, so its kinda hard to tell how those go sometimes. It was for an Admissions Rep position at Florida Career College. I also went today to the mall because the same school has a kiosk there where they pester people to come check out the school. Its only a part-time position though that pays very little. Assuming I get unemployment, I would be better off not taking that job if they offer it to me.

On to more exciting news. Chris is the man. After more years than I care to count, we are back in touch with one of our Junior high friends, Gabe Sterling. Also known as Gnilrets Ebag. :) I sent him an email earlier, but haven't gotten a response yet. I did talk to Chris though and it sounds like he is doing well.

I also started writing again. For those in the know, I started working on "The Sniper" again. I have not written anything in quite some time, but I figured I should make use of all the time I have now that I am jobless. Not that I'm not looking for a job, but I decided to write for at least an hour each day until I find a job. And then maybe I will be in the habit again and I can actually finish something. I have also been doing a little song writing believe it or not. One that I have shared with a couple people is just turning the Bob Dylan song "To Make You Feel My Love" into a praise and worship song. There are others as well, but nothing I'm ready to share yet. I'm trying to be more optimistic this go round of being unemployed. It is a little better this time, just because I have a couple of safety nets now with unemployment and my bro-in-laws cleaning business.

That's all the news from the left coast of Florida. Peas out.

I don't see what the big deal is...

I could do this if I wanted to.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire...

we don't need no water let the mother butler burn!

So I went to work Saturday morning and what do I encounter? A huge crowd of students and faculty gathered in front of the building with two fire trucks parked next to it. Turns out there was a small electrical fire in one of the air conditioning ducts. They got it taken care of in short order, but the whole building was smokey and smelled horrible so they sent us all home. I did ask the Dean to let me in to get one of the schools cell phones that we use to text students so I could call some people from home. Just the ones that had appointments set for Saturday to tell them they shouldn't come.

Then Saturday got a little sad. My Mom took her new dog Venus to get checked out at the vet. Turns out she has an enlarged heart and fluid in her lungs. The vet said she wouldn't last long. :( We ended up taking her back to the SPCA, but they didn't have any other dogs my Mom liked. So now Mama doesn't know if she wants to go through that again. It was sad.

On a happier note, James and I had a blast on our "man date" last night. For those not in the know, a "man date" is when two heterosexual men go out together and do something that would count as a date if it was a guy and a girl. Chris and I would go on them whenever Aimee was out of town. :) Anyways, it is no way gay. Not there's anything wrong with that. We went and saw the Florida Orchestra and then out to eat at Applebee's. And for the record, the Applebee's in Brandon has some pretty hot chicks. (Aimee and Emily read that last part as very intelligent women)

Well, I'm off to work. I just felt a little left out cause everybody else posted.
Peas out!

Let's call this one; Why is my ex-wife retarded?

First a little history to catch everyone up: James is one of my best friends in the whole World. he lives in Orlando with two brothers named Brian and Sean. Brian and Sean's cousin Tiffany is living with my friend Tim. Their parents live in Merritt Island and have a big dinner every Sunday that they invite EVERYBODY to. And I mean everybody. I have been several times, and it is a lot of fun.

So this past Saturday, after I went to the SPCA with my Mom to help her pick out a dog(see picture below), I went to hang out in Orlando. Brian got a promotion at work so we all went out to House of Blues to celebrate. It was pretty fun, even if we got soaked running back to our cars. Before we got to the restaurant though, Summer(my ex-wife) kept calling Brian and James over and over. Being the guys that they are, they just ignored her calls because they pretty much can't stand Summer. Finally, James decided to answer figuring she wanted to hang out and was looking forward to telling her that they already had plans with me. Unfortunately for James(who has a hard time telling anyone no) she was calling because her car was broken down. Apparently she needs a new starter. She asked if James and Brian could help her out before Sunday dinner. James hemmed, and hawed, explaining that I would be hanging out with them, but they would stop by at some point. I figured this would be a good time to stop by Tim and Tiff's house to get some of the stuff I've been storing there, so I went over to Brevard county with them. Now, Summer knew I was hanging out with them this weekend, and should not have been surprised when i showed up with them. But alas, she was almost speechless when I showed up. Now, I hold no ill will towards Summer. I'm an adult and can act civilized around her. I thought the same of her. But it seems I was wrong. The three of us looked at her car, but she didn't have any way to raise the car up to get at the starter. It also started raining so they weren't able to help. They said goodbye, I said goodbye, and that was it... or so I thought. Later that evening while at Sunday dinner, Summer said to James and Brian, "Thanks a lot for bringing Matt today." James asked her what her problem was and she said she wished I hadn't been there. He asked if she was afraid I would ask to see Sweet Pea(her dog, formerly our dog) and she said yeah for one. She said something to the effect of, "I just don't see why he was there." James said, "Well, we were hanging out and he was going to get some of his stuff. Matt doesn't have this problem, why do you?" To which she had no response.

Now, I could understand if I had been abusive. Or if I had cheated on her(instead of her cheating on me). Or if I was just mean in general, but that is not the case. I have gotten over her. Totally. Don't mistake this for me pining after her. The fact of the matter is, her and her family were a HUGE part of my life for 10 years. Ten. A decade. And now she acts as if it never happened. She doesn't allow her family to have any contact with me? It hurts. Who is this person I was married to? Why does she act like a child when it comes to relationships? She needs to get over herself. Start acting like an adult, but more importantly, start treating me like one. This may be a bit of rambling, but I needed to get this off my chest.

Now, here's a picture of a cute dog: